Brave, happy and solo on Valentine’s Day

This is my fourth Valentine’s Day without my longest running Valentine.  When he passed away, all of those first holidays were extremely hard and they came one after another!  He died in October so I endured Thanksgiving, Christmas, his birthday in January, Valentine’s Day, our daughter’s birthday in March, Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, my birthday in July and our anniversary in August.  It was a monthly reminder for the first year that he was no longer with me.

Now that I have spent many holidays without him, this one is different again.  Perhaps it is because I thought I would have a Valentine this year but when that didn’t work out, the big Hallmark holiday is leaving me feeling different.  Before you think I am having a pity part, wait.  If you would have asked me about Valentine’s Day a few weeks ago, I would have crawled into a hole like the groundhog and vowed to ignore the holiday completely.  However, I have a clearer head now that I have taken a step back and this goes out to anyone who doesn’t have a companion for Valentine’s Day.

Whether you are single or single again, today can be difficult when you see all the happy social media posts by happy couples with their flowers and chocolates.  You may be fighting tears, emotions or eating the box of chocolates that you bought for yourself. 

I want you to know that you are not the person that your insecurities tell you that you are!  Stop fighting insecurities and beating yourself up with questions like:  Why wasn’t I good enough?  Am I not pretty enough? Why her and not me? What did I do wrong?  Should I have fought more for it?  Will I ever find anyone?  You are already ENOUGH!  You are beautiful and brave.  Don’t spend the day listening to that wrong inner voice.  God has already claimed you and knows who you are.  He created you, knows all about you and has a purpose for you.  Admitting to feelings of depression or anxiety doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human.  We all go through low valleys in our life but when you are in the middle of the valley and you look up, you see the hills, the mountains, the sky and the sun.  God wants our eyes to always go up to look at Him.  It gives us a confident feeling when we look up and not down.  God will never let you down, never hurt you and never leave you.  I believe God allows us to experience hurt sometimes to turn our focus back on him.  It doesn’t mean that the relationship you are hurting over will never come back to you.  Maybe it wasn’t the right time and it will be later.  Maybe it wasn’t the right person and there is someone else. Maybe that person needed some time to figure things out on their own.

I am not angry, bitter or sad this Valentine’s Day.  I have a beautiful daughter who is experiencing her first Valentine’s Day with her very own Valentine.  It brings me great joy to see her experience all of these feelings.  She will always be my Valentine and I am happy that she is a girl that isn’t afraid to say “I love you” when I leave the house for work and every night at bedtime.  I have a roof over my head, a job and God on my side.  I am working on becoming a healthier me and making sure my priorities are correct. 

Maybe you can finally recognize what I am feeling.  Being along doesn’t make you a broken person or unloved.  There are plenty of people who love you.  Keep fighting to keep your head up even if you are feeling down.  Believe me when I say this:  It is okay to cry, get it out, and let it refresh you.  Then wipe the tears and do something for yourself or for others.  Take a walk, bake some brownies, go out to eat with a friend.  Take a bath, soak your feet, or get a mani/pedi.  Journal your feelings so that you can look back next year and see how far you have come or be reminded of where you were.  Be brave, bold and courageous – but most of all, smile. 

To all my married friends:  enjoy every moment and celebrate your love with your mate.  Post all of your pictures and make sure there is a gushy message attached.  It presents a great memory for you to look back because Facebook always reminds us!!  I will celebrate your love with you and click like on all of it! Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!