I threw away some shampoo bottles and had a slight anxiety attack. It was similar, but not as rough, as the one I had the night the pastor search committee called to tell me that they had finished their search. Now, before you think that I have gone off the deep end or that I need help, please keep reading.
I have a walk-in shower. Mike kept his shampoo, soap and shaving cream on one side and I had the other. When he passed away, I didn’t move them. I would clean around them but I left them there. I suppose it was my way of feeling like things were still normal. They didn’t change the way that the sun came up each day or how I did my daily activities. It was a subtle reminder that Mike might have been the only one keeping Prell shampoo in business. However, last week I decided to replace the shower curtain. This led to a complete bathroom cleaning. I decided to throw them away. After putting them in the trash, I felt my emotions wash over me (no pun intended). It was just shampoo/soap bottles.
The night that I got the call that the pastor search committee had finished their search was difficult. I was at Hannah’s cheer practice and it was almost over. Once again, emotions swept over me and it was like a river of tears exploded from my eyes. My heart sank again as I knew that the final closure had come. Anxiety. Tears. Grief. It wasn’t because I didn’t know that it would eventually happen. It was just another thing I had to face.
The anxiety over the shampoo bottles faded quickly. It is amazing how God can just help you to smile through it. I could even feel Mike smiling as he shook his head at me. Likewise, the day after I heard about the pastor coming to MHBC, I felt God leading me to contact him via email to introduce myself since Hannah and I would be out of town during the weekend of the call. I also listened to his sermons online and felt very impressed with his style of preaching and teaching. God was in control of this and I knew that He would send the right person to the church. In less than 24 hours of the onset of anxiety, a peace had come over me. Life goes on and God has a plan.
Anxiety is real and can sweep over you quickly. How you handle it is what is important. I don’t always like being an adult or doing the things that my husband used to do but life goes on and God has a plan. Sometimes we must realize that our faith is created in simple things and we just have to be prepared to let go of the “shampoo bottles” and continue to live each day one breath at a time.